Update
Hi there. I’m blown away by the quality of responses I’ve received here. Throughout, there are some extremely useful perspectives on what might be going on and the underlying motivations that are leading to my behavior. My next logical step is to be mindful of the emotions that I’m feeling when I start to feel these reset behaviors, and to extend my awareness of them outside of just the example I shared below. The next logical step is to seek out a therapist or other sort of psychological support. I just want to thank those have commented and encourage users to keep conversations going between them. My interaction with this post will likely slow a lot as I contemplate and try to find a normal. For the curious, I resisted a strong urge to do a reset yesterday at work and instead of spending a couple hours doing that, I spent considerable time learning through some blind spots in a language I’m supposed to be an expert at. Thanks again to all of you.
While all comments were useful in one way or another, I was especially impacted by comments from IonAddis and Boozilla
Original Post
I’m struggling to find relevant information or shared experiences on this topic and I’m hoping that someone here can point me in the right direction. I seem to have always struggled with what I’m calling tech permanence. I define tech permanence as the ability to use some form of tech (either a phone, an operating system, a library, a package manager, etc.) for an extended period of time.
My issue is then that I struggle with maintaining long-term relationships with these technical aspects of my life and it’s starting to affect my work and mental health. An example is likely the best way to describe this.
At least once a week I reinstall the operating system on my desktop computer at work because I can’t seem to commit to Linux or Windows 11. I’m not distro hopping on the Linux side of things (always Debian 12).
I’ve identified a cycle where this behavior repeats:
- Get excited by something that is only available on Linux: this can be a specific software, but more often than not it is actually the file system itself. I love everything about it.
- Work on Linux for a couple of days: in this stage I’ll painstakingly craft an environment that is needed for my work.
- ** Mental cry**: in this stage my mind will tell me that I’m just using Linux to use Linux and everything I want to do I can do on my MacBook or on Windows. I’ve seen this coupled with a bit of anxiety about not being able to use Microsoft products if requested (though I know there are a million work arounds).
- Searching for greener pastures: a stage in which I want to just use products that are more reliable, and honestly, just more pretty. This is the stage that perplexes me the most and often where the reinstall of my desktop to Windows occurs.
- Work on Windows for a couple of days: in this stage I set up my environment, do work for a couple of days, and then wonder why I don’t just use Linux.
- Repeat: I repeat this cycle 1-2 times per week.
This can be mapped to phone operating systems too. An example is that I use an iOS device on a daily basis, but sometimes I’ll go get a cheap Pixel just to throw GrapheneOS on, then to revert to Android, and then back to iOS.
I’ve tried pretty hard to search for relevant examples of this online, but I can’t seem to find the right search terms for any of this. The closest I’ve seen is “object permanence” in the ADHD research, but I’m pretty cautious to start self-diagnosing as I’m not a professional.
Can anyone comment on this or point me to a more appropriate community?
I won’t even pretend to have any insights what might be causing the psychological compulsion to constantly abandon and reacquire operating systems - but just from a technical perspective, do you need to completely reinstall the OS instead of just maintaining a multi-boot setup?
Thanks for the response. I suppose that I don’t, but ever since Windows 11, I’ve been reluctant to consider dual boots. Maybe things have changed, but at the introduction of Windows 11, I had lots of issues with dual booting.
So in short, I just haven’t tried it in a while. My main concern is that I would just continue to switch back and forth and the workflow interruption would still exist in that form.
I’ve been dual booting Linux and Windows 11 for years now without issue. You just need to make sure that bitlocker is disabled so you can initially resize the partition or manually set the partition size on install. EFI and split EFI partitions have made it almost impossible to break the bootloader. And if you pick popular distros you don’t even have to turn off secure boot.
The workflow interruptions can be worked around with a syncing solution like Firefox sync for browser and syncthing for files. Or by using a NAS for file storage.
Hell you could even use WSL and run every Linux app you want in Windows, graphical apps too. Or you could install Proxmox on a PC and rdp into 10 different OS VMs from a thin client.
Let’s be honest here reinstalling an OS is probably causing more workflow disruption than any of these other solutions. I know because I went through a distro hoping phase and it’s just a huge time suck for little payout.
Bitlocker needs to be off, AND hibernation needs to be disabled or make sure you hit reboot and not shut down since windows technically hibernates it’s kernel instead of shutting it down.
Don’t install Windows and something else on the same disk.
But computers can have more than 1 disk.
Personally I would definitely focus on figuring out the underlying motivation for the OS hopping, but just in the interest of maybe saving some time having to re-setup everything you might consider:
- I’ve never used Windows 11 so it might have even more insidious tendencies than in the past, but generally the rule-of-thumb for multi-booting has always been to install Windows first. Other operating systems tend to be more considerate about not stepping on other installs they find and their boot loaders more flexible.
- If the budget allows you could also just use a different physical disk for each OS and either disable one in the BIOS or manually disconnect one to choose which OS to boot into.
- Maybe just running a virtual machine or live-boot would satisfy the FOMO aspect?
- Making a snapshot image of your configured install to restore from would also speed up the process of toggling between environments.
Just throwing out ideas, best of luck to you :)
These are all good recommendations and I appreciate them! I’ll keep this in mind but I’m trying to be less impulsive, so I’ll consider this over the course of a few days.
Thanks for taking the time to chime in.
That does not sound healthy. It sounds like it is having a significant impact on your work.
I have no idea what could be going on. But it sounds like you are chasing dopamine, all else be damned.
The reason for these switches doesn’t seem to be worth the effort of switching so it seems kind of irrational and driven by …something. Euphoria? Compulsion? Maybe it is an impulse control thing? I’m not a psychologist so what do I know.
I think a less impulsive approach would be to evaluate the pros and cons of the options, even if briefly, and decide once and for all if a major switch in OS was needed. Or if there were a more measured approach like installing windows on a separate disk.
It sounds like you’re just kind of burning the house down and rebuilding on a whim and as a result can’t get anything done.
Aren’t you worried you’re going to get fired when they ask you what you’ve gotten done in the last month and you tell them, “nothing except changing operating systems a dozen times?” (He asks, as he is blowing off work again today… We all got our issues I guess)
I’ve tried pretty hard to search for relevant examples of this online, but I can’t seem to find the right search terms for any of this. The closest I’ve seen is “object permanence” in the ADHD research, but I’m pretty cautious to start self-diagnosing as I’m not a professional.
So, there’s always going to be the “script kiddies” of the psychology world out there, who throw around words and jargon without actually understanding what they’re doing or playing with. Just like there’s know-nothings in tech who do the same with IT stuff.
But if you’re a measured and logical person, you’re not immediately going to become one of them if you start looking deeper into psychology and mental health stuff. You’ll start out as a newbie, sure, but your brains aren’t going to suddenly leak out your ears just because you’re wondering if you have this or that, and in your case you literally told us in your post that the issues you are having are affecting your work and mental health, which, to me, suggests you wouldn’t be researching to be trendy or to look cool, but because you’re hurting and in distress and want to figure out what’s going on.
That’s a very valid reason, IMO, to start researching this stuff. You’re hurt, you’re in distress–time to research, even if that might on a superficial level make you look like you’re chasing trends. (But I don’t think you would be, necessarily.)
Anyway, your whole post makes me think researching the mental health stuff is actually a good direction to go. What you’re doing with tech (not committing, searching for greener pastures) reminds me a lot of some of my mal-adaptive habits.
I grew up in a traumatic home, and I figured out (eventually, ha!) the reason I (for example) restart video games instead of playing to the end is because my stress response is messed up, and my solution to a fun game going sour is to “reboot” and seek a redo (just like how I left home, or quit some jobs to get away from stressful people!).
And I have other habits that were once useful for managing anxiety in fear in very high-stress environments, but which work poorly once one is in a more normal environment. It’s very easy to pick up an adaption to stress or to something else in your past that is useful initially, but then starts misfiring when you unconsciously apply it to a totally different part of your life.
Therefore, as others have suggested, I think it might be good to take a look at the rest of your life. Are things stressful with your parents? Any boyfriend/girlfriend issues? Is work or school being a dick to you? If you are getting stress from those areas, you might be immersing yourself in tech stuff (and vacillating back and forth) as an unconscious reaction to that outside stress.
I’m a writer and I often submerge myself in writing when I have other stressors going on. So I look super-productive and happy to people who like to read my stuff, but it’s usually masking everything else going to shit. When I was younger, I did something similar when making webpages and learning tech. Stuff was stressing me, and I found relief by throwing myself into learning something new. Set up entire websites and message forums just to get away from IRL stuff that sucked. The more going on at home, the more I was trying new things with my website.
One skill I found to be VERY useful to develop when trying to figure out my own psychology is learning how to kind of…stop and identify and name what I was feeling when I got out of sorts (anxious, fearful, upset, irritated, angry, hyper, manic, etc.). Try to name it and follow it back to its roots. WHAT am I feeling? Can I actually name it? And WHY might I be feeling it? What happened just before I suddenly felt this thing and switched tracks?
It’s not going to be easy at first, it’s a skill you have to develop like any other. But I found once I started being able to stop myself in moments when I was doing something impulsive/avoidant, I got a better handle on what I was feeling, and why, and that sort of gave me the opening I needed to control it, instead of letting it control me. Once you can touch and name something, it’s easier to make it work for you instead of being hauled along by it.
For you, I think it might be worthwhile to do a bit more reading on ADHD, but also look up OCD (it’s not about being a “neat freak” in practice, it’s more about people having fears and anxieties and coming up with rituals in an attempt to control the fears and anxieties), and also look up maladaptive perfectionism. Even if none of this actually applies to you, becoming more informed doesn’t hurt, and sometimes by following links from one topic to another you can stumble upon something that actually does help or apply to you.
You sound like you’re in tech, maybe a programmer, and I’ve noticed several of my friends in this realm struggle with maladpative perfectionism, btw. (I do sometimes too, but to a lesser extent).
Basically, due to having parents that expected much of them, or their own internal sense of competition, folks can end up kind of breaking their “learning mechanism” or their ability to complete projects because tiny humdrum “mistakes” trigger the same sense of failure as true disaster. Things turn black and white–either everything is absolutely 100% perfect, or you’ve failed and you’re going to burn in hell with all the other failures!
Like, for someone with maladaptive perfectionism, sometimes ANY mistake is a world-ending nightmare emotionally, and stress-wise. So one ends up being hugely stressed when small errors happen, stressed and anxious out of proportion to what’s going on. And when you have that shit going on inside, that can snowball into other behaviors. Some people stop learning and stop trying new things (if you don’t try, you can’t fail, basically). Some people avoid things (if I don’t engage maybe it’ll go away). Lots of different ways people can respond, but it’s often in order to get away from the pain or stress that happens when a “failure” happens.
It seems possible to me, from reading your post, that you might be switching back and forth because you’re scared of settling on something imperfect. But–I could be VERY off-base. Which is why you should dig a bit more on psychology topics yourself. See what YOU think, given that you know your brain and history much better than any of us do.
Anyway. I don’t know if this will help at all, but I hope it does.
If you take anything away from this, I’d say you have this random internet person’s “permission” to go look up articles on psychology and things like ADHD or anxiety or the like. You won’t magically turn into an idiot because you looked up a topic once or twice.
I can’t believe just how called out by this post I feel. There are lots of good tips and recommendations throughout this thread, but this one in particular seems to sum up not only my behaviors that I described above, but with a lot of oddities in how I do things. In particular, these are some notable items you mentioned that I do on a regular basis:
- “…the reason I (for example) restart video games instead of playing to the end is because my stress response is messed up, and my solution to a fun game going sour is to “reboot” and seek a redo (just like how I left home, or quit some jobs to get away from stressful people!).”
- “Set up entire websites and message forums just to get away from IRL stuff that sucked.”
- “You sound like you’re in tech, maybe a programmer…”
- “Things turn black and white–either everything is absolutely 100% perfect, or you’ve failed and you’re going to burn in hell with all the other failures!”
I really appreciate this comment. It’s one of the few that are really emphasizing that these are habits that seem more design, subconsciously, to pull me away from true feelings. Some feelings I tend to experience in connection with these episodes lack of purpose, imposter syndrome, hurt, etc. I’ve been responding to commenters throughout that I think therapy and mindfulness of these behaviors is my most logical next steps, but I’m really appreciative of the recommendations and personal experiences you’ve shared with us. It definitely makes me feel like I’m not alone in this world.
Try to name it and follow it back to its roots. WHAT am I feeling?
A great tip and a start to a meditative practice.
As an addendum: Many times, curiously observing your feelings is watching those feelings ebb away and disappear.
If you can stay in that space, or keep on going back to it you’ll be distinctly less likely to be overwhelmed by those emotions, as you’ll be creating some distance between the feeling and consciousness.
You come across as a good and thoughtful person - trying to help someone you identified as in need. I do hope the OP reads your response, identifies with something in your writing and follows your advice.
The ADHD (maybe depression?) concern shouldn’t be dismissed if you have decent insurance | live in a decent country get that checked out.
Personally I maintain a dualboot environment.
Windows for multiplayer games and Microsoft office.
Kubuntu LTS for everything else.
I find debian is fantastic for server stuff, but mediocre for a desktop experience, esp related to drivers and games.
ADHD was my first thought. This is very similar to how I am with most things, namely how I entertain myself. My situation is much less disruptive, but equally frustrating.
It’s also possible it could be tied to bipolar disorder or maybe an interplay between the two (I’ve been diagnosed with both).
It’s definitely worth the time for OP to go to a therapist and/or psychologist to discuss these issues.
I think you should describe this to a therapist. It sounds like a lot of stress and instability added to your life. I hope you figure out how to address it
Thank you, I plan to do just that.
You might want to redirect the impulse towards three things you can reasonably control, all of which I now employ:
- Virtual machines. Virtualbox lets you set up a little Debian instance(which can be made in a lower storage/memory footprint by sticking to a 32-bit version and XFCE desktop), and it can talk to the host OS and share stuff either using the Guest Additions functions or through networked apps like SyncThing. Windows can also be accessed in this way. Your urges to have both are therefore tamed by…literally having both, and as many instances as you want. Having the config “bottled up” like this can even be more important than having the work task run quickly, because configuration really does take a huge amount of time.
- Paper notes. Use these to transcribe your work and “do the real thinking” while engaging in rote, relatively mindless copying of whatever you just did or whatever documentation you need to use. Computers give you wrong answers infinitely fast, is the mantra. Sometimes the only thing to do is to literally make a process that slows you down. The beauty of traditional materials for that is that the experience is basically similar everywhere but with countless variations. Just with the paper alone you can use fancy pocket journals, cheap subject notebooks, three-ring binders, sketchbook paper, index cards, etc. And then with the pens and pencils you can explore several broad categories(wood pencil, mechanical, lead holder, ballpoint/gel/roller, marker, fountain, dip) and get color and line style variety to mark up your notes into artworks.
- Hobby hardware/software. I have a project now where I am building some Forth libraries for 8-bit games on Agon Light, a new single-board retrocomputing device. The point here is not to have the best “productive” tech environment, but to have one that feels artistically in tune with you, and that can means putting your foot down and allowing some DIY and “slow computing” in your life. The Agon design is open, very clean, very hackable. It’s something I could sink years into in a satisfying way, and working in Forth lets me “own” that since Forths are very detail-oriented - you’re supposed to make exact designs with them. There’s no “missing out” because there’s nothing to miss out on - there’s only one way to really make it my way, and that’s to get it through my hands.
I am not a doctor and I’m not going to pretend to be one on the internet. However, it sounds like you may have some mild esoteric form of obsessive compulsive disorder or something adjacent to that. One of my friends and coworkers (in IT) had OCD and it’s no joke. He was part of a support group for it. I’m not trying to scare you or anything but you may want to talk to a therapist. If you do have something like that, it is manageable.
Focusing on the tech side: every piece of software, hardware, or tech is going to be a collection of compromises designed by a committee and implemented by a team of highly flawed humans. In constantly seeking an optimum setup you are falling into the ancient trap of “perfection is the enemy of good enough”.
Maybe gamify this and try to spend more time with your current setup. If you give in to the compulsion to change it again, try to challenge yourself to stick with the new one even longer than the previous one. And, most of all: try to relax and accept the fact that all of this tech shit is always going to be a hot mess! That’s why they patch it and update it constantly. It’s just the nature of the beast.
I appreciate the constructive response. The OCD aspect concerns me, but it seems in line with my behavior so I will investigate that further. In particular, I have access to a therapist through my work so that might be the next most logical step.
I agree that no technical environment is the end all, and I’m going to try and tap into that perspective next time this comes up.
What you’ve described is a solid parallel to several aspects of my own life, albeit mine are less disruptive. But I’m reasonably confident it’s an interplay between my ADHD and bipolar that lead to the behaviors. Now that I’m properly medicated, it’s much less of an issue for me.
Not saying you have either, but definitely worth investigating the mental health side of things considering this sounds properly disruptive, which is the line for something being a ‘condition’.
Well wishes to you. I think it’s not uncommon in people who like to code and do similar techy stuff.
If you’ll indulge another analogy: It’s good to sharpen the saw and re-organize the tool shed and stuff like that. Unless you realize that’s all you’re doing and not actually using those tools to do anything productive.
It definitely sounds like it could fit into the ADHD / Autism spectrum.
I am diagnosed with ADHD and have a very similar compulsion, but with Linux distros. I used to keep switching between Debian Stable and Arch.
For me, the driving factor was that I wanted my computing environment (which is where I spend most of my time) to be absolutely perfect and “clean”. Quitting the distro-hopping was like quitting an addiction. I made a conscious decision to stick with Arch and deal with all problems that arise without switching back. Getting involved in community service and charitable work also helped. I simply don’t have several hours of uninterrupted free time anymore to reinstall and set everything up again.which is where I spend most of my time
I think that this is a major component of it for me as well. I’m a data scientist at an academic research institute, so my day consists of 7-9 hours of screen time. I take a lot of pride in my physical environment so it only makes sense that this transfers over to my computing environment as well.
The euphoria that one feels from quitting an addiction is how I feel in stages 4-5 where I reinstall Windows, but it only lasts until the FOMO kicks in. I’m still trying to figure it all out, but I appreciate you sharing your perspective.
You might also have OCD.
You might just enjoy the process of setting things up. Or if you are like me when my mental health goes bad I tend to organize home/computer/collections and it’s got to the point when I see myself doing it I stop and evaluate myself. How’s you mental health doing?
I think this is a really good point… I have been struggling a lot lately with purpose. I bet that’s a component to all this. I’ll be taking some extra time to evaluate how I’m doing.
Well if i can give you some advice i have picked up. Be kind to yourself while you do so, it’s okay to not be okay and your feelings are valid. Good luck!
Thanks! I really appreciate seeing that. I try to be as kind to myself as I can, and to others. Cheers.
i’ve had this issue when I wasn’t using my computers for anything serious, and haven’t had any sunken cost into complex configurations
but now that im on a second year of uni, and we’re actually starting to work on serious shit, i no longer have time to ponder about greener grass, much less hopping between operating systems to reconfigure them back and forth
so, yeah. try finding something that “ties” you to your setup, and focus on that. eventually you’ll just start to ignore your os
relatedly, please actually do some research about adhd, i see this issue all the time in fellow adhd havers because changing setups gives some of us a much needed rush of dopamine
Thanks for chiming in on this. Your perspective actually feels the most accurate to what could be going on. A lot of this switching behavior comes out of times where work is slower than usual. When I’m actively engaged throughout the day this sort of thing doesn’t cross my mind. I’ll be taking your request seriously about researching ADHD.
What about using dual-boot or stick with whatever gives you better results? I don’t see the point into constantly changing OS…
If i had to take a guess your anxiety issues are tied to tech because that’s what you like/is good at/excites/entertines/distracts you ? Anyway its hard to say from the given info also may i ask if there is a period of time where you really want to do it and some time yoy don’t likefor an anology sometimes you really wanna piss then sometimes you don’t ? Also how is other things going on in life ? Does your schedule change like do you push things back for this ? I am not saying its definetly mental it could just be that you are a nerd chasing the next best thing .
Yes and I thought I was alone. It took having two different devices with different OS’s to satisfy me and even then I still get the urge to switch things up. I feel like I did it because I was trying to do too much that I didn’t know how to do in Linux and it got me frustrated. I would follow written walkthroughs with screenshots and things just wouldn’t work and I couldn’t figure out why or troubleshoot so I would go back to Windows. I’ve been doing alright with my two machines and I feel way more comfy using Ubuntu now that I’m not trying to do things in the terminal and just using it on the surface level unless absolutely needing to change things using the terminal.
I never thought to reach out to anyone for help though. I’m the only person I know that uses Linux regularly and I’m not a super social person…
I treat all the tech I own as tools or appliances, their aesthetics are of little interest to me, they are not status symbols, just a means to an end. So I look for the thing that will do the best job reliably at a reasonable cost, and keep doing so for years. I have a laptop that must be getting on for 8 years old, a phone in its fourth year. I use them until they wear out or become too difficult to use - my phone has several cracks on the screen, a few trim bits have fallen off my laptop, making it even lighter, and one of the USB ports has died. The TV in the lounge os over ten years old, the stereo dates from the late 90’s.
I dont change anything until I have to - once I have something that just works I work it to death. I dont care about the whole Linux vs Windows thing, nor the IoS vs Android thing, its all about function and value for money. When it comes time to replace something I never buy the best, or the cheapest either, but something somewhere in the middle, good enough to do work fast but not the flagship product either.
TLDR Its just a tool, treat it as one
Personally I just deleted Windows from everything I have. I also just picked one Linux distro since distros are basically all the same anyway, and if I need to make something work, I always try to do it within the confines of that distro first.
Shift your compulsion for tinkering from distrohopping to tinkering within a given distro. That way you create some semblance of stability. I mean, unless you’re happy with the situation you’ve described. It definitely sounds ADHD and I say that as being one myself. I enjoy hopping between interests and fixations pretty regularly, but I don’t do it with my OS because the OS is a platform for me to hop between my fixations, not a fixation in and of itself.
Thanks for that perspective. I definitely feel like operating systems are a fixation for me. I love understanding their nuances and making them do things that aren’t typical. This is the crux because an operating system in a work environment is where I need the most stability.
How does one even go about exploring an official ADHD diagnoses? Is that something done through a therapist? Another commenter suggested seeing one and I’m taking that thought seriously.
Just search for “ADHD assessment” in your area. Many psychology offices will offer that service. Be aware it may be expensive depending on what’s covered by your healthcare system.
Thanks! Yea, I’ll go ahead and look around for something like that.