What clicked and made you have a different mindset? How long did it take to start changing and how long was the transformation? Did it last or is it an ongoing back and forth between your old self? I want to know your transformation and success.
Any kind of change, big or small. Anything from weight loss, world view, personality shift, major life change, single change like stopped smoking or drinking soda to starting exercising or going back to school. I want to hear how people’s life were a bit or a lot better through reading and your progress.
TIA 🙏
Besides various scriptural books, “But He Never Hit Me” by Dr. Jill Murray.
I was up late one night, unable to sleep because of fear after my ex left. I didn’t have cable or anything, but I had broadcast TV on to down out the silence. Dr. Phil had an episode about domestic violence, and my eyes were locked to the screen. The phrase that kept running through my mind as I watched was “at least he never hit me.”
He had Dr. Murray on as a guest at the end, and my jaw dropped when I heard the title of the book she promoted. The next day, I mentioned it to my mom, who mentioned it to my brother, who worked at Borders. A few days later, I got a copy in the mail from him.
I started reading the first few pages and couldn’t continue. It sat on my shelf for months before I finally opened it and slowly—very slowly for a person who used to read over a dozen books per weekend—got through the whole book.
By the end, I had a name for what is been living through, and I finally realized I had done nothing significantly wrong in my marriage. It changed my life. For better, because it gave me the strength to avoid abusive relationship patterns. For the worse because that has turned out to be every single man I’ve tried to date.
Now I’m alone because I can’t bring myself to try for any more relationships. And the fallout from trying to raise kids also raised by an abuser, and having a child with trauma-related BPD , has left me almost completely isolated from anyone.
But I have a very sensitive abuse radar now, at least.
My story is a little different, but I resonate with that kind of change. After I found out my ex wife was cheating on me, it started the process of taking a lot of blinders off. I feel like I see reality better, but I do feel much more disheartened in trying to date.
I forgot to mention, the life saving divorce, while I wouldn’t say it change my life, was helpful at that time.