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Thank you so much for this! It reminded me to revisit my library’s general resources and look specifically for which archive collections they had available. I’m 1 state over, so I figured there was a good chance we would have Newspapers.com Library Edition access here.
The main/default collection my library sent me to was no help, but they had a Newspapers.com Library Edition portal listed further down. Final-fucking-ly got it. I really, really appreciate the help.
To be fair, the 80s were known for having commercials earlier in the day for the channel’s newscasts that stoked fear. “5 items in your kitchen could kill everyone you’ve ever loved. Tune in to STFU News at 6 for more information.”