I agree, you want bums in seats as quickly and effortless as possible. Your average user coming from reddit just wants an “all” feed they can use to curate their own front page, they don’t really know, care, or want to learn about the plumbing underneath. The ones that do care will figure it out as theres plenty of resources available.
Knowing very little about the technical side - and speaking only from my experience trying to get my own account set up - I almost think the fediverse need a dedicated, standalone sign up instance (or series of instances) that has no posting enabled, but is automatically federated to the X most popular instances - so that apps and web interfaces can create simple default sign ups for new users without them needing to understand what instances even are.
Something like “lemmy.gateway” that can act as a home for the user account that then looks at the instances where the content actually happens, that can have high availability and redundancy in the event of server load on the popular instances, and that “just works” for your average reddit migrant so they don’t have to go diving into instance details to dip their toe in the water. That way your “content instances” can go up or down without impacting new user signups, your apps can work to load popular posts even if what would normally be your home instance is down, and you can decouple things a bit - maybe your “gateway” lemmy instance can drop some code to run leaner since it doesn’t have to worry about posting content.
To fund it you’d need some selfless souls, or perhaps agreement between major instances to shell out some revenue to host the sign up instance network, with the idea that getting users in to the fediverse generically is just as important as getting them on specific instances.
I have no idea if this is even possible but from a new user flow, if the intent is to maximise active users, you just want to get people “in” so they can eyeball, vote and post - then let learn how lemmy is different. Not the other way around.
I would suggest that instances should have settings that allow them to decide whether to “advertise” a community list. With configurable settings like "all, “most active”, “top X”, or even a manually maintained list depending on the admins and instances preferences.
Then your home instance, when searching, should have it’s own settings to decide what results it’s going to ping other servers for. Big/popular/high confidence instances can have an open all/all relationship, while you might query only the top 10 communities from unknown or new instances to handle the scenario you describe.
Federation can be binary yes/no but there should be room to add more logic around enabling search on communities from your instance and controlling the search results from other instances. I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive, unless I fundamentally misunderstand how federation works!